I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
