can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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