I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm really busy with my period
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