he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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