I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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