I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
