I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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