if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
