so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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