is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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