ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
