Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
