i think my tv is drunk
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
