My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize