Having a random hookup so left but love u
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
