I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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