so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just want nice things and good sex
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
