conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
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Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
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I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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