you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
