After last night, I could never be a politician.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
