Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
