If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
