You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
