And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
