Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's blow job season.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
