we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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