I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Holy sore nipples Batman
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
