They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
