Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
