How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
