I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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