and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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