D3 body, D1 cock
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The adults are the big ones right?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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