ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
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You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I party with great urgency now.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize