There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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