I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
