Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
