i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I smell stomach acid.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize