Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
