Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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