thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
