laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
