Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
