I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
