and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
