Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
