The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
