I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.