hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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