Porn is love you can see.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
