I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
