Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
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Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
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Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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