does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
