Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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