the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
