just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Fuck me I smell like cheese
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
