you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
